Monday, October 31, 2011


The boy bangs on the door.
I have gone to great lengths to be sure this does not happen.
But nature called and I took a few minutes to use my bathroom.
I hurry to the door to let him in.
Roxy goes crazy... careening off of everything...
indluding me, knocking me on my butt.
Later I see that her head hitting my shin has left a big bump.

I jump to my feet and limp to the living room,
which is at the back of the house...
trying to get the dog under control and the boy away
from the front bed room where the man is trying to sleep.
Roxy cannot contain her joy at a visitor.

The man flies out of the bed room...
wild eyes and insane bed head.
Roxy takes one look at him and gets worried fast.
He has never hit her and hardly raises his voice.
But even the dog can see Papa Bear is grumpy.

The boy and the man do not get along well.
Its because ex likes to play them against each other.

The man ignores the boy and goes to get Roxy's
training collar.
She has not had to wear it for a few weeks.
She is not happy to see it.
He wrestles it on her and hands me the control.
"Any more of that shit and you zap her."

Then he stomps off to bed.

The boy and I visit for a few minutes.
He is always polite and friendly to me.
But all I really want is for him to leave.
Finally he does and takes the cans with him...
but not before he stands next to the bed room and says
the absolute worst thing.

He wanted the cans to buy a video game.

The cans are a problem for me.
The ex begged the man to "talk" to the boy about getting a job.
He's 22 and should be supporting himself.
I happen to agree.
But this is a ploy she uses to borrow money.

They have had this "talk" several times.
It ends up the same.
The man tells the boy to grow up and stop being a leech.
The boy has his feelings hurt and complains to mom, who sides with the boy.
You can't get more counter productive if you tried.
And she has set the man up to be the bad guy.

Recently, when the man's daughter also complained about 
the boy not having a job...
that he is eating them out of house and home...
causing stress in her marriage...
because they all live together...
the man decided no more cans for the boy.
Maybe he will get tired of not having money and get a job.

When the boy called me, he was on the way to take
his mother, the ex, to the doctor.
The way the conversation went, 
I assumed he needed the cans for gas money.
I could not say no when they needed money for gas.
Mom needs to see a doctor.

So I carefully put the cans in front of the garage and sat down to wait.
I figured that I could let him quietly take them 
and then explain to his dad when he woke up.

Well, guess I fucked that up huh?

I can't make excuses.
I can't say I didn't remember, 
because I did.
I know the man overheard that he wanted the cans for a game.
His boy is very loud.

Now I look like I directly did the opposite of what 
I knew the man said we would not do.
 I absolutely did that.
But I honestly believe it was for gas.
He has asked for the cans "for gas" in the past.
His mom is off work for several weeks.
Money will be short.
He never mentioned a game.
He said he had to take his mom to the doctor.
I did the ass out of you and me thing... 
and assumed he was picking the cans up to get gas on the way.
But he never said
"I need them for gas money."

The man won't be up for hours.
I will try to explain and it will sound lame.
I tell you what...
this will not happen again.
No more cans for that boy.

Boy do I feel like an idiot.


  1. Oh hon, what an impossible situation, seems you're damned if you do, and damned if you don't, eh? What a horrible place to be in. Your tender heart tripped you up, that's all. The ex does her boy no favour, infantising her adult son can only stunt the man he should be, and scoring points is always damaging.

    She's the one who needs the zap-collar..

  2. poor old roxie. ruby had a hideous halloween again. firecrackers drive her insane so we have to put her in the crate. she has gone 2 days without eating.

  3. Shrinky- I agree and I'd be happy to hold the button on that collar!

  4. billy pilgrim- Oh that's so sad for Ruby! We only had a few bottle rockets. Roxy did very well, she curled up in her bed with her paws over her nose. I answered the tricksters at the shop door so the doorbell wouldn't ring.
    The first trick or treater was our neighbor's boy, with a treat for Roxy. She was sure she'd hit the jack pot with that one.

  5. It's not stupid. It's just a big heart and a lesson learned to never assume.

  6. NoRegrets- I've done it before and hopefully I'll stop making assumptions. The man and I talked when he got home from work. He did actually understand. We worked out a system for the next time the boy asks for cans. I feel much better now.

  7. Oh good grief - you made the best decision you could with inadequate information. Go easy on yourself. And maybe pull yourself out of the middle.

  8. Cans enough to buy a video game? Jeez... that's a lot of brew-ha-ha ;-) I dunno, we get a nickel a can here.

  9. I don't know the back story between the man and the ex and their son, but I have a 21 year old who can't find a job - believe me, she's tried - and we support her fully. I couldn't imagine not taking care of her real needs, but frivolous things like video games are either Christmas or birthday gifts.

  10. no fun being in the middle and trying to do the right thing when people manipulate you. sorry to hear it.