Tuesday, October 4, 2011


A day ago I heard the man cursing in the rear bathroom
followed by the unmistakable slosh-swoosh of the plunger.
I didn't think much about it after that...
he's a fairly handy man.
A few hours passed and the man went to work.
I stood watching myself brush my hair in the front bathroom...
to my left came the sound of burbling.
Burbling is the sound that Mr. Glug-Glug
makes to announce that he has come calling.

I lifted the lid that we keep down to discourage Roxy from drinking there.
The water was churning.
Not a rolling boil, but a tumbling activity minus any flushing.
This cannot be good.

In the morning when the man arrived home from work,
I gave him the bad news that the toilets have gone crazy.
He sighed and went to check both toilets out.

At this point, both have dropped their water levels
to nearly nil.
He flushes one and it responds in a proper manor.
Cool beans!
Thank you lord I can pee at last!

The man gets ready to sleep and visits the rear toilet...
I can hear him cursing out in the shop.
When he pokes his head out and says
"You haven't been flushing tampons have you?"
I am indignant!

"You know for over ten years I was the one who had to fix toilets..."
He holds his hand up to stave off further lecture.

I was standing in my front bathroom with a hand towel wrapped around the toilet brush... jammed into the toilet's exit hole.
The man is in the rear bathroom squishing the plunger at an insane rate.
All he gets is wet with icky waste water.
By the sound of his vocabulary,
I have finally found the event that can cause him to utterly lose his cool.
Well now...

His last words as he was leaving for work were
"You know you're a homeowner when you're the guy who has to pay the Rooter-Rooter bill."

Meanwhile the folks at Albertsons think that I have a serious
 I do, but its not the kind they must think.

The next step was buying Liquid Plumber.
No... not to pour in the toilet.
I know better.
At this point, water was trying to back up into the front shower.
One dose and it's not moving much.
I'll give it another shot in about an hour.

If that doesn't work...
I'll be searching for the clean out on the side of the house.
It's under black berries.
Its under the ground... but there is a map.
Like I can follow a map!
It was supposed to have a nice tidy box around it,
but the man's dad died and his mom didn't know what to do with it.
So she buried it and put a flag on it.

The cable guy needed to connect to something out there and 
even though she asked him to be careful of the flag...
he removed it and forgot where it went.

I want to run the washing machine.
I want to take a shower.
I'd love to use my toilet.
I am really hoping that a second dose of drain cleaner
will the trick.

Oh boy.


  1. Oh my!!! metal detector to find the box? go pee in the woods? good luck! At least no fleas...

  2. i know a guy with no teeth, a trailer and a boat that could fix that with his eyes closed.

  3. I was sure this story was going to end with an actual snake in the toilet.

  4. My first thought was an actual snake in the toilet too. Why not? We had a big frog come out of the toilet one morning and jump onto my daughter butt. I don't know who was more scared... my daughter or the frog. True story. We have only recently been allowed to talk about this... we were sworn to secrecy for years.

    Plumbing woes can be so disrupting to a household. We had a clog in our bathroom sink a week and a half ago and no amount of Draino or plunging was helping.

    I could kick myself for sharing the beauty secret of my clear complexion with my daughters. I told them that for many years all I used was Noxzema to wash my face. Well, now they both gob it on and ever since my words of wisdom the sink has been in extremis.

    We ended up calling a plumber. *sigh*. The only upside is that Mr. Cube is too busy with his own work to snake it himself. Work is good.

  5. Oh. That kind of snake. Really, go buy one. You'll be glad you did. My power snake cost me about $25. Money very well spent. It'll pay for itself the first time you use it.

    Don't forget the blue "shop towels." You'll need 'em, but it beats a $300 roto-Rooter bill any day.

    Best of luck.

  6. Toilet woes are the worst. Hope everything flows smoothly soon.

  7. All- I tried to answer these comments last night on the man's computer, but it or blogger refused to cooperate. Sigh.

    NoRegrets- Now there is a sane thought... a metal detector! I'll tell you what happened in Friday's post.

    billy pilgrim- Yikes! "Free" that comes with obligation and guilt isn't very free.

    secret agent woman- Ha! After I read your comment last night, I dreamed that a giant boa came out of my toilet.

    Cube- First off, yay! for work being good! Secondly, eeek! What a sneak attack. LMAO! We used to have frogs hanging on the wall of our shower that came up the drain, but they avoided touching us. I'll do a post on what happened on Friday.

    Cricket- I ended up having to use every towel we own and a few old sheets at one point. What a mess! How very crazy this experience was. I do not like camping without a bathroom let alone my home minus one.

    3GirlKnight- The flow is with us now, thank you God! No toilet is one thing, but no shower or bath began to make me crazy, seriously crazy.