Saturday, December 31, 2011

Queen - 'Who Wants To Live Forever'

This was supposed to post on New Year's Eve!  Girrr...Bad Blogger!  Whatever you do on New Year's Eve,
please be safe! 


Do you make resolutions?
What if anything have you resolved to do?

Resolutions don't work that well for me.
I think of them more as
"good intentions"
or "the paving stones of the road to hell"...
because they tend to be things we are trying
to force ourselves to do that require
some form of suffering or deprivation.

No more resolutions for me!
I have decided instead to opt for
"making plans".
A plan sounds more positive and pleasant.
I have four!

Plan One:
Last summer I halfheartedly decided to quit smoking.
Like most halfhearted endeavors,
it failed.
I lacked a strong enough motivator.

(Who wants to live forever?)

Plan One has an excellent motivation factor...

Plan Two!
To put money into a kitty for renting the cabin we just stayed in
and spending 3 nights visiting family, friends and fishing.
It will be paid for by Plan One!
The money I save each week by not smoking
is going into the Plan One Kitty.

Plan Three:
Get back to obsessive walking...
because I like how I feel when I do...
because it is something I can do if I want to smoke...
walk until the urge passes.
Because I can do it when I feel the need to nibble instead of smoke...
and because it is required for Plan Four.

Plan Four:
Resume losing weight...
by eating small portions of healthy foods...
and walking, walking, walking.
No diet has ever helped me lose and KEEP weight off.
Walking is my weight stablizer... and reducer.

So there you have it.
Now, what if anything are you doing to improve
your wellbeing or accomplish in 2012?
Whatever it is...
I wish you success and satisfaction!

If you do not have a resolution...
take a moment to look back over your year
and tell us something 
that changed in your life in 2011.

Thursday, December 29, 2011

My photo did not come out this nice!


Back on the road homeward, I asked the man if
he would like to meet Herman.
We turned off at the next exit and wound our way
through the maze at Bonneville Dam to
the hatchery.
Herman is a very big, 70+ year old fish.
He's one of my FB friends and we are old pals.

I used to work at the fish hatchery
clipping fins and poking computer chips
in tiny fishy noses.
It was one of the best jobs I have ever had.
I gleefully led the way to Herman's abode.
We were going to see the GREAT FISH HIMSELF!

The sturgeons you see that people catch are still fairly young.
Herman is a wise old finster!
If fish were dogs, sturgeons would be bassets.
Herman weighs about 500 pounds!
My babies grew up visiting him regularly...
our watery dog.

The hatchery always has visitors.
We made our way through the gawkers as
the recorded message filled the viewing room.
Two large, older sturgeons swam in the tank
with multiples of beautiful trout and steelhead.
A little girl chirped
"Look!  Rainbow fishies!"
The crowd laughed.

Then there he was...
He swam right up to where I stood.
Can fish remember people's faces?
It felt like it.
He hovered in front of me and I put my hand on the glass...
Herman bumped gently where my fingers touched.
We stood that way, my fishy friend and I for several minutes.
Until the other big fish moved in close and Herman began to circle once more.

Outside again, we stopped to feed the trout.
Not the small frys that I used to abuse for science,
those were all tiny new salmon and steelhead.
These were nice big rainbow trout that any fisherman would be proud to land.
They made the water boil and splashed us.

Back on the road we turned off again
at Mutlnomah Falls, which is also crowded.
Not with the families back at the hatchery.
This was a mob of Asian tourists.
I couldn't help but laugh at how much they
reminded me of the trout swimming around the hatchery ponds.
Funny looking trout with cameras with massive lenses,
gathering in schools to say "cheese" for each other.

Once the man finished looking at the falls,
we were back on the road home again.
This time without further stopping
until we parked in our driveway.
Roxy was so excited to see us that she could
not decide which of us to lick and darted back and forth, wiggling.

Much later, as we lay in bed talking,
the man told me how glad he was that we had gone to see my kids.
He said it felt to him, like Christmas with his own family felt, only louder.
He said that he liked X, that he was a nice man,
and how much he appreciated the gift of the room
and X making the surprise possible.
He is anxious to return for another visit this summer
when we can stay more than one night
and have a long visit,
meet my friends there and spend some time with my dad.
Plans for that have begun.

Our families are different.
His is a quiet group that are not very demonstrative.
Mine are the opposite.
They snatch the man up in bear hugs
and yell at each other from across the room.
They joke and laughter is very common.
I thought a lot about that as I tried to go to sleep.

I have had more trouble blending in to the man's more sedate family.
I decided that perhaps that is my perspective at work...
that the loud and joyful muggings are absent
because that is not their way.
Maybe I have failed to see a quieter form of acceptance
because I am used to something other.

Perhaps his family are more like that great old fish...
and accept slowly and quietly.
My family is more like the trout that boil in the outside hatchery ponds.
Both are fish, but different and special in their own ways.
I will swim in their big, quiet tank...
but I can still be a colorful trout.


Wednesday, December 28, 2011


I got a text the day before Christmas Eve...
"How about you come to see the kids
before New Years?
Motel room on me...
My Christmas 2 you guys."

A snow ball of events began to roll toward
Bear had to work both Christmas Eve and Day,
so her family celebration was postponed to the day
after Christmas.
It was short notice for getting a room,
but X works for a man who has a motel
and other rental properties, so he was able to pull it off.
A surprise attack was set into motion.

First things first...
Christmas Day we were off to the man's daughter's
for their family celebration...
and felt much more comfortable than I had the previous year.
Less of the odd wheel feeling...
reminding myself that the man would soon
face my family's traditions, stories and jokes that would
be as unfamiliar to him as his family's were to me.
It was a nice evening, happily devoid of missing my kids.

I should have been tired with all the running around
and prep for the trip...
but sleep was not my friend.
A groggy and befuddled me
hugged Roxy good-bye and strapped myself into the truck.

Our room, as it turned out was the cutest
little log cabin that I have ever seen...
a private suite, a mini house.
We quickly unpacked and hid inside.
DP'sH is a small town and word travels at the speed of light.
We didn't want our secret to get out to the kids.

"The market sold the ham I paid for!
Delay to go to the town to the left and find another one.
Will text you when we get to Bear's."

What is Christmas without some sort of snafu?

The man and I watched Boo drive right past our truck
to X's trailer kitty corner across from us...
as they loaded up goodies and Boo drove X away.
He never suspected a thing.

When the coast was clear, we set out
up river at an easy pace to give them time to find another ham.
As we began our ascent up the last big hill...
the text came saying they were there and to give X
a 3 minute warning.
When our truck turned into the driveway...
all my children were assembled on Bear's porch.
Their faces transformed into joy as the surprise of "us" arrived...
and mobbed us with big hugs and babbling.

We are a physical and loud group of people!
The mob quickly moved into the house.
Christmas chaos had begun.
We laughed, chatted, cooked, opened gifts
and enjoyed stuffing ourselves.

Happy and somewhat sad, when the evening ended,
the process reversed
and after many more hugs and affection
we returned to our quiet little cabin.
The man and I sat on the porch sipping some cheer.
We watched the night with its 
ghostly fog drizzle the mist that is often seen there.

It was an odd feeling to be back in DP's H.
Knowing that I used to live there,
and now it felt so different, yet very much the same.
Boo, Sukey and X drove past us to unload X.
This time we waved.
They came over for more conversation...
before they all had to leave.

I recall clearly going to the bed room
and starting to lay down.
But my cheek did not even have time to feel the pillow
before I was fast asleep.
It was as Bear declared earlier that evening

"The best Christmas we have had in years!"

Thursday, December 22, 2011


This pic found here:

In our house, we keep Christmas...
with all of what it brings...
from the original story of Christ's birth
to the fun of Santa Claus.

It is a season to rejoice for all the wonderful gifts
we've received or given...
those wrapped for sure,
but especially for those gifts of the heart
that have no wrapping but love and good will.

It is a time for being with family...
and understanding what a gift they are to us.
A time for sharing and sometimes compromise.
A time to celebrate!
And like every other day of our lives,
a time to practice our belief.

We are not politically correct in our home
though we are respectful of other feelings and beliefs.
So please accept our wishes for you and yours...
to have a very
"Merry Christmas and Happy New Year!"
with the spirit of affection we are giving behind it.

If you worship otherwise,
then know we wish you blessings and peace!

Wednesday, December 21, 2011


Someone sent me this in an email.
I don't know where it comes from...
but the bird looks like one I had for 13 years
named Zitty...
and my dad's name is George.

The holidays are progressing nicely.
Last night the man spent a great deal of time 
wrapping a gift for one of our grand babies on the way.
He's one of those people who get great fun out of 
wrapping things in a way that suggests
other things are inside
and watching the people shake or feel them
and try to guess what it might be.

He also wrapped a toy wooden train he made
for another grand child.
No tricks with that one's wrapping.
He's only 3.

I am very impressed that the man
and X are working together on a surprise.
I'm very curious !
Good will between the men I've had in my life.

I'm trying to figure out what to get the man.
It has to be special and inexpensive.
Kind of makes it difficult to choose.
No man-kinni!

Do you have any suggestions?

Are you one of those people who love to wrap things
like that
and watch people guess?

What unexpected, but special
gift did someone give you that meant a lot?

Monday, December 19, 2011



Sunday I had a rare piece of joy.
After exchanges over the last few years on blogs
and Facebook...
I had the wonderful experience of meeting one of my blog friends
in person!
The absolutely delightful NoRegrets
was driving through my neck of the woods and we met for
a late lunch/diner.

I admit that I was nervous.
I am not the most confident person in the world.
I am a silly rabbit after all,
in more ways than one.
You can tell me to be myself all you like,
but I will still worry that myself is not that likable.

It was exciting!
She called me about 45 minutes out of town...
perfect timing to get ready.
I had suggested a nice brew pub near the freeway.
I knew she would be driving on,
but it was local and one of the few places that I knew existed here.

I had not been there myself before,
so I was not sure what I was getting her into.
As it turned out,
it was sort of sports bar-ish but not obnoxiously so.
NoRegrets had arrived first and found a nice cozy table for two.
I entered the place cautiously...
not being sure that I would recognize her face.
But there she was...

I sat down and she gave me a gift!
I cannot tell you how much this tickled me.
Tucked inside a gift bag,
was a white rabbit, laced with gold rick-rack,
and a really-o truly-o California naval orange!
The rabbit, 
she thoughtfully turned into an ornament...
is now my "shining star" topping my tree.

I had not thought to gift her.
She didn't seem to mind.
I imagined that talking at first might be awkward,
but it wasn't.
She is great at conversation.
We seemed to blend well.
My nervousness faded away.

The hour and a half went fast.
We split a delicious berry salad
and answered each others questions.
Then it was time for her to drive on northward.
And for me to go home.

I walked with her to her car,
where we took a photo of our feet!
Proof that we met...
with respect to our online identities.
Then we hugged and said good-bye.

I came home and the man immediately asked me what was in the bag
and did I have fun.
When  I pulled the white rabbit out to show him,
he had a great laugh.
Silly rabbit is what he named me...
and that I have passed on to you.

He didn't get the orange though.

No matter,
a real California orange
untouched by frost bite is rare up here.
Our stores tend to carry Florida oranges
more suited to juice than eating.
I taste the frost bite in them.
I taste their lack of freshness.
No offense Florida...
but a naval orange from my home state
is a piece of my childhood.

The smell of it!
The familiar thick skin...
that makes my fingers smell so good.
All the memories of my home growing up
are wrapped up in that aroma.
Fresh oranges picked off our own trees at breakfast.
It was a treasure!

And best of all...
that silly white rabbit on the top of my tree...
this year to mark the day I got to meet my friend.
A new memory for me to unpack each year
to remind me...
for many years to come...
of a pretty, smart and kind woman
that I am thrilled to call my friend.

Thank you NoRegrets!

Unfortunately, I could not find my cord to connect my camera to my computer...
a pic of the ornament will show up here when I find it.
Silly rabbit!

Saturday, December 17, 2011


What a nice, curious face!

After a long evening last night,
I decided to treat myself to breakfast out,
and left the man snoozing on the sofa.

I seated myself next to the service area.
I like this location for two reasons...
if I need something, I can flag down a waitress
and it has a nice big window where I can glance outside as I think.

I know the menu here,
so my order was taken as I sat down.
She brought my cup and hot pot of coffee.
I pulled out a puzzle and began to work on it.

I was comfortable and involved.
I didn't pay much attention to the time passing.
Suddenly my waitress appeared and
began to apologize.

The "ticket" computer in the kitchen had run out of paper.
My order had accidentally been skipped.
So, because I had been so patient,
they were going to give me a slice of free pie to take home.
I happily said that any form of chocolate pie would be fine,
and thank you!

I finished my meal once it arrived
and got my to-go box.
I don't usually eat an entire order of anything.
They always give me too much
and I take the other half home to the man.

I leave a tip and head to the register.
A man stops me as I take my place in line.
He says
"I don't know who did it,
but I was told to tell you that your meal has been paid for...
and Merry Christmas!"

Pleased but baffled,
I drove home, pie and doggie bag in hand.
I've heard about these random "giftings"
going on all over the country.
I have no idea why anyone would pick me,
but what a nice surprise!

One woman in a WalMart paid off all of the lay-aways
at her local store as a Merry Christmas in the name of her deceased husband.
When one grateful lay-awayer asked if she could do something
in return, the woman responded that she should pay it forward
at another time when she could afford to do a kindness for someone else.

I think that is a lovely idea!
I began to think of who and what I might do.
I've decided to leave it to happenstance.
A time will come up when I see an opportunity
and have money in hand.
I wonder what and when it will be?
How exciting!

Thursday, December 15, 2011


This guy looks serious about guarding his tree!

We are in the thick of the season here in our own private Whoville.
Yesterday we went to pick out our tree.
It seems we had different views about what sort of tree is right.
The man thought a nice SMALL tree was what we wanted.
We who?

His reasoning was sound enough.
1) Price.
Why is it that we live with firs and pines all around us 
and are charged a fortune for a tree?
2) Placement. 
There is a hope chest in front of our picture window where we both
agree the tree should go.
I saw no reason that the hope chest cannot be relocated for a few weeks.
Or I didn't until I tried to move it myself...
and found that it was stuffed with very heavy items,
that would require being unloaded before relocation and reloaded after.

I have no desire to be the one who breaks precious family china.
I reset my priorities on tree purchase and off we went.
The original deal was that if I went with a small tree,
I could get a Noble.
Until the price of very small nobles was too high for even me.

"Dougie" now lays in the back of the truck.
Its cold out there and better to keep him fresh for now.
the man climbed the ladder to the attic and handed down the boxes of Christmas stuff.
Obviously we do not need all the stuff there.
So began the "sorting out of things".

The man began to spend hours trying to find
the one or two burnt out bulbs in the outside lights,
that keep the entire string from lighting up.

I guess you know you are getting old when you need a
magnifying glass to see if the tiny lights are burnt out.
Eventually he gave up on that method and took all the
bulbs out, 
replacing them one by one and chucking the ones
that did not light the strings up.

I had my own part deciding which ornaments would be used.
Not much choice really.
Besides the man's football ornaments
(Raiders and Ducks)
all we have are plain plastic gold balls all the same size.
These are some we were gifted with when I'd left all my
ornaments with my boys.

I think they must have been from a theme tree.
One with gold balls, gold garlands and all  white lights.
I'm not a theme tree person.
I did find a string of multicolor lights.
But no cherished memory ornaments from children now grown.

I'm thinking now that Elmer's glue and glitter
will give the gold balls character and color.
I'll string Trix cereal  for a garland
and make some baker's dough ornaments
to paint and add to the mix.
Time to make new memories!

So do you have a favorite thing to do or make for your tree?
Are you a theme tree person?
Or is your tree filled with memories?

Tuesday, December 13, 2011



My parents were great at Christmas time
about giving us money to buy presents.
It was a lesson in being a giver and not just a recipient.
Generally mother went with me until I was old enough to shop alone.

That was a big deal!
I made my plan...
Sproutz Ritz had everything anyone could want.
It was a long walk,
about 11 blocks up one of the busiest streets near my home.
But it felt like it took no time at all.

Newberry's had been an option,
but there was something weird about the way those stores smelled.
They had a serious odor problem that I found hard to ignore.
I had an important task to perform...
the happiness of Christmas morning depended on choosing the right gifts.
I needed to focus.

My older sisters were easy.
Not just any socks, we had those.
But fancy Christmas socks that they could wear to holiday diner.
Useful and fun!
Big Boo loved models... I picked a tank for him to assemble.
The man at the counter did not refuse to sell me glue.
  They didn't worry about kids sniffing glue back then.

Kids still ate paste!

Shopping was going fast and easy.
Only the parents remained.
I searched the entire store before settling on
a pretty china tea cup and saucer with wood violets on it for mother.
But it left me with little money for my dad's present.

That was a real problem.
I spent a long time looking.
Outside the sky began to darken.
I had to be home by dark.
I thought about going home and asking for more money.
But we were supposed to budget, so that was out.

Then I smelled it!
A bottle of men's cologne.
It even had a Bruce Lee type guy doing a karate kick on the front.
This was a real guy gift!
I looked at the price to be sure...
and it would leave me with only a few cents.
I had planned on treating myself to some candy for the walk home,
but buying the present was the right thing to do.
It was perfect!

I patted myself on the back all the way home...
and arrived in the nick of time...
making sure that mother knew I was back home safe.
Then I ran upstairs to wrap my gifts
before anyone could get a peek.
As soon as they were done,
I placed them under the tree.
I was satisfied that everyone would  be thrilled with my choices for them.

Only the gifts we kids picked for the family
went under the tree...
or packages that came from relatives in the mail.
The bulk of presents would not show up until
Christmas morning...
after "Santa" made his delivery.
At this age, I knew that Santa was mother and father.
But it still made Christmas morning extra fun.
A sudden explosion of presents that had not been there the night before!

Christmas morning came with great excitement.
All my gifts so far had been received with happy thanks.
It felt really good!
No one had helped me this time and I managed to get it right.
Cool beans!

Only my father's gift from me remained to be opened.
I watched anxiously as he pulled the wrapping off and set them aside.
He held the box away so that he could read the label.
Then he broke out laughing!

What was this?
This was not a gag gift!
What was so funny about cologne?
I was shocked!

"Smell it!  It smells really nice!"
I shouted.
He did.
"It does smell nice!  Thank you!"
he laughed out.
Then he did as we did with all presents...
passed it to my mom.
My mother read the box and giggled, she passed it on,
then my older sisters read it and giggled in turn.
When my brother laughed too,
I snatched the box away and read it myself.

"Hi Yuk!"

Ok.  I understood.
I had to laugh too.
Guess I should have read the name of the scent.
But it really did smell good...
and to my father's credit,
he wore it,
though he giggled every time he picked it up to put it on.

Friday, December 9, 2011


The silly rabbit all dolled up for inspection!
Yesterday's interview was interesting.
The first thing I did, upon entering the site
where I hope to work...
was to watch the people who were
performing the task that I hope to do.
I took note of their clothing
and their attitudes.
The more I know in a group interview,
the better.
It also told me how many of my fellow
applicants were overdressed.
The rule I've heard is to dress only
one level above the expected work wear.

I'm not sure why group interviews exist now.
Is it the high number of people out of work
all applying for the same jobs?
Or is it just a new trend thought up
by some HR person eager to show off their creativity?

Whatever the reason,
there I was in a big group interview again.
There were 15 of us,
who were invited by a lead person,
one of 7 on the interview team,
to take a seat.

The chairs were formed in a square
with the team across the top, front.
I took a spot next to the end interviewer.
I wanted to be sure that I could hear what was said.

That made me first
when we were asked to introduce ourselves
and tell why we each wanted this position.
It gave me less time to think,
but this is a question that always comes up.
I had my answer prepared,
then sat quietly listening to the other's voices
and was able to watch their words' affect on the faces of the interviewers.
Each time someone spoke,
interviewers would begin to write things down
on their clip boards.
I looked for smiles, nods or frowns.

We each had a folder on the table in front of us.
We were told to split into groups
according to the color of dot on our folder,
then to read the two instructions...
and follow them.
The interviewers also broke into groups and followed us
with their pens and clip boards.

Cue number one...
was to pick a group leader.
A woman looked at me and said...
"You look like a good presenter."
I said
"Wow!  Okay then."
If I declined, would that be a sign of weakness?
Would accepting be a sign of vanity?
I don't know.
It felt like the right thing to do.

The presenter was to read the scenario given us,
then we were supposed to decide as a group
how to respond to the situation given us.
It was, I think, 
one of those situations where there could be many answers.
When our 5 minutes were over,
we were called back and I was called up to
present our solution.

I think I did okay.
Unusual for me as I tend to get weird in front of people.
But my voice was clear and light,
I laid our plan out with all the points that people
wanted to consider,
then addressed my group to verify it...
showing hopefully that I am a group player and my team's opinion matters.
When they agreed that I had covered all of it, 
I sat down.

After the other groups finished,
we were asked
"What experience have you had in the past
that would apply to this position."
Again I was the first to be given the question...
because I was in the first seat
and it followed around the table.

Not the most advantageous spot.
But far better than being on the end of the line,
where everyone had said just about
everything they could come up with that might apply.
You don't want to be the guy repeating
everyone else.
That feels lame.

Next, they handed out a test.
We were told to do the test and we would be free to go.
The test was a breeze!
Alphabetize nine first and last names.
Gee... that's what a library is all about,
when it comes to filing books on the shelves.
The second question was a math test where we
were asked to find an average number of three numbers.
Add three times and divide by three.

Finally, we were given an essay question...
which happened to be about diversity.
Oh lucky day!
Thinking back to my days at the school...
which were filled with exercises in work shops like
this interview process...
and many actual workshops on diversity.
I know too that part of the reason to have us write by
hand was likely to see if our handwriting was easily read,
and that one can make sense with words.
Reports are part of this job.

I was not the first to finish.
I was the forth.
People were whispering as they handed in their folders
to the lead interviewer, 
who took them quickly and waved them on.
I followed suit, with my soft thank you.

Walking out to the parking lot felt great!
A few of us wished each other luck
and gave compliments on each others participation.
I don't think that I screwed up anywhere.
Nor do I think that any one of us out shown
the others.
There were no other people who talked about
having better qualifications than me...
three with about the same qualifications.
Most were people trying to get out
of low wage situations...
looking for a better life.

All in all, I had good feelings about it.
But this is just the first round in their interview process.
They will continue these group interviews
through next week.
That's 4 group interviews a day!
Those invited to the second round
will be notified by email
in two weeks or so.
If we do not get that email,
we were passed over.

I still think that is wrong...
if you take the time and trouble to interview,
you should at least get a polite
thank you and some explanation.
Even if its only a mass email saying that a more
qualified person was selected.

They will be filling 6 of these positions.
Way better than only 1.
I'm hoping!
Meanwhile... I'll be applying for other jobs.
No sense in sitting on my hands waiting.
But I will write my thank you note
and send a nice card.
It sure can't hurt.


Thursday, December 8, 2011


Ok... I'm giving you a break from the happy Christmas stuff.

A job is not just a job.
There are good jobs, okay jobs, great jobs
and the crappy jobs.
In today's job market, I have applied for all of those.
Still no job.

So several weeks back,
I get notification of a government job opening.
This falls into the category of great job.
What is that?
For me its a job with good wages,
insurance that is excellent,
retirement money into my vested retirement
so it can grow,
all holidays off with pay,
sick days paid,
working indoors,
working to help people.

It has everything that my job at the school had
except for summer vacation...
and I can live without that.

So up it comes...
and I apply.
Like a lot of government stuff,
response is slow.
3 or 4 weeks went by with no word.

Then I get a notice email...
telling me that I meet their criteria 
and that I am being considered for the position.
If I am selected for an interview...
they will let me know.
If I am not selected,
I will not receive further contact.

Another couple of weeks go by...
I get an email notification that I have been selected for an interview.
I follow all the directions and schedule an appointment time.
This requires a series of emails
and the following of links
and still more confirmation emails.

I do all the things I do to prepare for the interview.
I got my hair cut.
I got my nails done.
I even got a bran new outfit...
because this is a great job.

I already have all my info...
the application that I was instructed to bring with me,
printed off the web site,
3 letters of professional reference...
with updated contact information,
as these people will be called.
That's where things screeched
to a halt.
Yes, I do have 3 of them.
Yes, the contact information is correct.

on Dec. 3, 2011
my dear friend and mentor...
the lady who was the long time school librarian
who taught me how to run the library...
passed away in a very freaky
home accident.
She was only 61 years old.

Too bizarre.

I have been quietly morning her passing since...
which is part of the reason for my
Christmas stories.
I simply was not in the frame of mind
to post otherwise.

So today is that interview.
I did not have enough time to request another
professional letter of reference.
They did say that personal references 
could be substituted.
I emailed C4C last evening in a panic...
would she write one for me.
Being friends with one person over 30 years
has got to mean something!

She did of course.
But I am troubled.
No one is a better judge of what sort of worker I am
than my supervisor of 11 years...
who's work space I shared.
And I am unwilling to just toss her letter of reference away,
as if she is no longer of importance.

I decided to take K's letter anyway,
in addition to C4C's and my other two good letters.
I will explain that she has just passed away,
but I felt what she had to say is important,
because she was the supervisor
who spent the most time with me.
I am hoping that they will accept it.
It does not matter to me if they discount it in secret...
out of my hearing.
I will still have 3 letters to offer.

I guess it is important to me
because K was my friend...
and all I have left of her now...
is her opinion of me...
besides some great memories.
And that matters very much to me.
Its a gift.

So off I will go today...
and btw...
I woke up sick.
Another gift from little N...
who spent the night with us a bit back with a serious cold...
and do my best to be professional,
and make a good impression.
But I really do feel like crap.
I really want this job.
It is a perfect job for me.
as Roland, the gunslinger says
"There will be water if Kah wills it."