Friday, February 7, 2014


Time for an update.
I hope to be back writing regularly soon.
This will have to do for now...
so that you know that I have every intention of
I have forgotten no one.
I miss you all.

First the most devastating of newses...
(is that even a word; newses?)
I still cannot believe that we lost laura b.
Seems impossible with someone so young and full of exuberance. 
You know this news of course.
I wanted to say something.
I miss you laura b.
I miss  your brightness and your joy in sharing...
that wonderful sense of fun.

Then the most incomprehensible of news,
I lost my father.
I know, he was 87 years old for heaven's sake.
It was bound to happen sooner or later.
But my father was a man who worked hard all his life.
Not because he had to, but because he chose to.
He liked physical activity and kept very active.

Its the way he died.
He hardly ever got sick.
But, this year he got shingles.
You hear a lot about them.
Related to chicken pox.
The virus that many mothers purposely exposed their children to
when young because it is easier on the young than adults.

That's what killed my otherwise healthy father.
His shingles showed up on his head and 
curved down his face following an angry nerve.
It caused swelling in his brain...
then brain damage.

He went from a healthy and fun old man to 
instant dementia with very little sense of reality.
He was frightened and scared much of the end of his life.
He briefly entered into reality to tell us very directly
"I don't want to live like this."
He stopped eating.
We let him without challenge.
As per his living will, no attempts to feed him were made.
 He died in his sleep after about a week.

I am still getting used to this.
One of those thoughts that feel too expansive
to be in your head.
But I was at peace with his death
when it happened.
No one should end their life frightened
 and feeling like they are with strangers.

He was a good dad.
I'm glad he was mine.
Event when I pissed him off royally...
he was still there for me.

Who knew?


We are still fighting for Randy's Disability.
We hired lawyers.
The claim was refiled after he was turned down.
Everyone says they always turn you down the first time.
Yeah, whatever.
I am sick of waiting for Disability.
I am sick of lawyers who claim they can rush things.
It has almost been a year.

On the sunny side...
Randy is all set with his VA health insurance now.
They will help pay off some of the stroke bills.
Plus he has medical care that won't kill us to use.
My health insurance sucks.
I have a $1,750 deductible.

Our taxes are filed and we are not getting much,
but it beats sitting on a tack.
It will help pay those pesky bills.

We were going up to bury my Dad this weekend.
But we have much snow up here...
which scared off my Cali family.
The mortuary will do it alone.
I do not like this.

If I can.
If the snow will allow me to...
I will be there to watch until the last clump

The sunny part of that will be seeing my kids and their kids.