Friday, October 7, 2011


The monster lurks...

Okay, so I should have known I guess.
But I was sure that I had it under some form of control.
The idea was as soon as the washer
began to drain that I would check the bathrooms for sign of flooding.
The man needed clean socks.

I scurried to the bathroom when the washer did its thing...
and yep... it was backing up... fast!
I dashed to the washer to shut it off...
and found that I was now flooding the man's shop.

There were his cabinet projects (in progress)
quickly becoming islands in a sea of soapy wash water.
I am dead woman living in an "I love Lucy" episode.
Unfinished wood and water do not mix well.
I smashed in the button on the machine and the flood ebbed to a stop.

Not a single towel, shop rag or old sheet remained dry
by the time I'd dried the wood pieces, 
moved them and then mopped the shop floor.
Yep, I was dead.
At least I had the presence of mind in my utter panic to shut off the power strips that feed his precious machines.
Well, crap.

I texted the MIL to tell her about the issue.
They would bring the snake and a camp toilet the following day.
Meanwhile... it was time for a bucket.
Funny how much you need to relieve yourself when it is not convenient.

I had one day before my sisters came to visit.
Not a good thing.
The man slept through it all.
Fortunately for me, his wood was dry by the time he woke.
My execution was stayed for the time being.

Might I note here how unfair it is that men can just stand up to pee outside?
It is a form of penis envy that I admit to having...
since I lack that ability.

Next day MIL and FIL show up...
they did not have a snake or the camp toilet.
My mood went black.
They took me to lunch.
Then we bought a snake.
But can we get on with fixing the clog?

Only no one knew where the clean out was...
just that it was buried somewhere in the middle of berry vines thicker 
than the Amazon.
My luck was still holding bad.
They departed for a funeral.
I was left to hack my way through the Amazon on the side of the house.
The man slept through this too.
Near dark they returned.

Looking like something attacked by a big ugly cat,
I stood there and watched FIL dig.
As it turns out there was a map in the house file.
It was drawn 30+ years ago...
before the addition of the family room...
by the man's deceased father who could not be  consulted.
Like something out of a bad pirate film,
we paced things off and dug holes...
where MIL was sure it must be.
Several times.
It was not here, it was not there.

So, FIL decided to go under the house and see if there
was a clean out below the toilets.
Finally... a sane idea!
As soon as he opened the hatch to the under house
we saw a clean out.
MIL was sure that this was to the long ago buried septic tank.
Off he crawled to find a better one.
It didn't exist.
They gave up and went home.
Easy for them to do... they have working toilets and showers!

I felt very sorry for myself.
The man woke up and looked at my face.
"Baby, call Roto-Rooter before you go insane."
I did immediately.
The nice lady told me that a technician
would call me back.
There was about an hour of panic before he did
and a huge relief when he promised to come over...

The truck drove past our driveway and on down the street.
I chased the Roto-Rooter truck.
He seemed amused by this... and I was okay with that.
He looked inside and outside.
We locked up Roxy who wanted to play and let the man go to work.
I doubt he was here more than half an hour.
I felt like blowing him kisses when he drove away.

"Wow" says the man "This place is a shit hole."
True words.
Guess who stayed up until the wee hours to clean it?
But I got to take a nice, long, hot shower when it was done.
I finished the wash...
and thank goodness I did not have to greet my sisters 
smelling like an outhouse.
It was worth the money  to have it fixed.
Every single cent.
The Roto- Rooter Man is a hero!
So is the man for spending the money.
I'd had all the shit I could deal with thank you.

Interesting note:
That clean out was the clean out... they built the family room on top of it.
The issue as it turns out was our new low flow toilet.
R-R Man told us that low flow toilets can't push the "product"
through older pipes very well.
Older homes and remodeled homes tend to have a variety
of pipe sizes interconnected.
This was further compounded by the light flush and heavy flush button
on our particular toilet.
"Product" was going only a little way and getting hung up on 
these odd sized connections.

The solution was simple.
Only use the heavy flush button...
and run the shower with cold water for 5 minutes once a week
to make sure the pipes are kept flowing right.
Sort of defeats the whole idea of a low flow toilet don't you think?
So it goes.


  1. Oh, you poor thing. Toilet backups are absolutely one of the most disgusting household dilemmas one can encounter.

    Our last toilet problem was completely our fault. Somehow a 3" mirror got flushed (no one knows how) and the plumber had to pull the toilet and take it out to the front yard to ream the stupid thing out. You should've seen the rubbernecking neighbors driving by at that sight.

    Luckily, Mr. Cube had a pair of the longest needle nose pliers I've ever seen and they were able to use it to pry the mirror out piece by piece.

    Oy, what a day. The girls had to go behind the sheds to pee. They held everything else in. I can't blame them.

  2. lord have mercy, what an ordeal you've had with the plumbing (i've been catching up) glad things are moving now and you got to enjoy a nice non-outhouse visit with your family.

  3. Cube- Oh no! Toilet on the lawn. I can imagine the rubber necking. =;] I am grateful that toilet issues only happen once in a long while.

    Once my father had a ring hand made for me out of silver when he and my mom had a get away weekend... and the Medusa flushed it down the toilet in a fit of anger (and probably jealousy that he'd had the ring made for me, but not one for her). I helplessly watched it go down the john, then called my father at work.
    He came right home and took every trap in the house apart from the upstairs toilet on down to the outside clean out looking for it. He didn't find it, unfortunately. But he and my mother went back to Carmel and had a new one made. Quite possibly the best piece of revenge I ever got on the Medusa!
    That one vanished along with my other jewelery (including my antique 18K wedding set) from my home when I took the Medusa and her kids in to live with us many years later. I guess she got me back, though she swears it must have been one of her friends.
    I gave up on the idea of revenge a long, long time ago. I grew up. Medusa cannot grow up emotionally. That is why she is not privy to where I now live and if I can manage it, she will not meet the man, except for a family funeral. It really sucks that we have the same DNA.

  4. lime- Thank you! Yes we had a great visit. You've had your share of bathroom issues with the storm situation recently. Yikes! We never realize how much a bathroom means until they are gone.

  5. I'm sorry you had to grow up with such a piece of work for a sister.

  6. like i said, your karma went into the crapper when signed up for hunting.

  7. Good grief! What a hassle. Flooding sucks under the best of circumstances, but sewage is the worst.

  8. Cube- Thems the brakes! Its not a big problem for me anymore. Its mostly sad.

    billy pilgrim- Ha! You did indeed warn me about that. Too funny.

    secret agent woman- That is a perfect word for what it was... hassle! But elbow grease and bleach made it all better now. I'm happy!

  9. Wow, it must have been the biggest relief, in a number of ways, to get that problem resolved!

    If it is anything you can swing financially, it is often soooo worthwhile to be able to call in a professional. Let them do what they do. whew!