I have not posted in over a week I think.
Not at all normal for me.
One thing occurred to me the other day...
despite the fact that fall is my favorite season...
it is also the precursor of seasonal depression.
I have not always suffered from seasonal depression.
It began a few years after I moved from Cal to the north of Or.
It went away again when I moved back south for eight years
and I thought that it was some other inexplicable event.
Then it came back when I returned to the northwest.
I thought ah ha!
But then when I moved to the southern end of Or
for a number of years where it still snowed and rained...
it vanished again.
Only to return when I moved to the northern end of the state again.
Hummmm... okay then.
I have come to believe that it is triggered by the amount of rainfall.
Cold has less to do with it than I imagined at first.
My original experiences with snow required a two hour car ride,
hot cocoa and inner tubes.
Valley dwellers had to go in search of snow with only two exceptions
in my young life... and they were pitiful representations.
Last year I had no trouble with it worth mentioning.
I am sure that was the excitement of a developing new relationship...
and my trips here to the land of less rain.
I had hoped that I had seen an end to all that blahness.
Because that is what it is...
No high, no low,
with a lack of motivation or creativity.
This year it has returned once more.
Hence my absence.
But I do know how to deal with it.
Its a matter of eating right and moving.
Not moving away...
I mean the simple act of getting up and moving around enough to elevate those glorious endorphins,
then tagging those things that want to sit in my brain and stew,
despite a lack of importance.
I can worry a thought like Roxy worries a good bone.
Getting rid of them is simple in theory...
just get up and do something that changes my thought pattern and focus on it.
Less simple when you add in the "meh" feeling.
It takes effort on my part to act on it.
I think too that the new schedule in our lives holds some responsibility.
The man's graveyard shift.
I see him for a few hours in the morning and maybe an hour and a half before he leaves for work.
He seems to be always tired.
Then Roxy and I are alone for the night.
As soon as that door shuts behind him as he leaves,
Roxy is in her bed.
I have to lure her into my room with the promise of a nice big warm quilt to lay on.
Even the weekends are affected by this schedule.
Anyone who wants to see the man, waits until then to show up...
which eats our time together.
If they all came at once, it would not be so time consuming.
Hunting appears to be our best time together.
We have not seen a single deer...
but we spend valuable time with each other.
Then there is a void to my week days...
since everyone waits for his weekend to visit...
I don't see anyone during the week days.
I am a people person.
I am used to days filled with the riot and uproar of children...
mine or the school's.
No riot here.
It's too fecking quiet all the time.
I need a damn job.
I'm doing good right now on that front with interviews lined up.
But there are no guarantees there.
So I decided to volunteer at a hospital where I'd like to work...
reading to children and any willing adults stuck in hospital beds.
That begins next week.
I have no doubt that it will do the trick.
This week its back to my fanatical walking and keeping my diet right.
I also got a book to read for the evening hours that I am alone,
while the man sleeps.
But any speck of daylight to be had
will be used for all its worth.
Now I'm off to play catch-up on your blogs.
Why is this bear so happy?
Because he didn't sit on his ass...
he got up, got out and caught a fish!