Monday, October 24, 2011


I have not posted in over a week I think.
Not at all normal for me.
One thing occurred to me the other day...
despite the fact that fall is my favorite season...
it is also the precursor of seasonal depression.

I have not always suffered from seasonal depression.
It began a few years after I moved from Cal to the north of Or.
It went away again when I moved back south for eight years
and I thought that it was some other inexplicable event.
Then it came back when I returned to the northwest.
I thought ah ha!
But then when I moved to the southern end of Or
for a number of years where it still snowed and rained...
it vanished again.
Only to return when I moved to the northern end of the state again.
Hummmm... okay then.

I have come to believe that it is triggered by the amount of rainfall.
Cold has less to do with it than I imagined at first.
My original experiences with snow required a two hour car ride,
hot cocoa and inner tubes.
Valley dwellers had to go in search of snow with only two exceptions 
in my young life... and they were pitiful representations.

Last year I had no trouble with it worth mentioning.
I am sure that was the excitement of a developing new relationship...
and my trips here to the land of less rain.
I had hoped that I had seen an end to all that blahness.
Because that is what it is...
No high, no low,
with a lack of motivation or creativity.
This year it has returned once more.
Hence my absence.

But I do know how to deal with it.
Its a matter of eating right and moving.
Not moving away...
I mean the simple act of getting up and moving around enough to elevate those glorious endorphins,
then tagging those things that want to sit in my brain and stew,
despite a lack of importance.
I can worry a thought like Roxy worries a good bone.
Getting rid of them is simple in theory...
just get up and do something that changes my thought pattern and focus on it.
Less simple when you add in the "meh" feeling.
It takes effort on my part to act on it.

I think too that the new schedule in our lives holds some responsibility.
The man's graveyard shift.
I see him for a few hours in the morning and maybe an hour and a half before he leaves for work.
He seems to be always tired.
Then Roxy and I are alone for the night.
As soon as that door shuts behind him as he leaves,
Roxy is in her bed.
I have to lure her into my room with the promise of a nice big warm quilt to lay on.
Bribery works.

Even the weekends are affected by this schedule.

Anyone who wants to see the man, waits until then to show up...
which eats our time together.
If they all came at once, it would not be so time consuming.
They don't.
Hunting appears to be our best time together.
We have not seen a single deer...
but we spend valuable time with each other.

Then there is a void to my week days...
since everyone waits for his weekend to visit...
I don't see anyone during the week days.
I am a people person.
I am used to days filled with the riot and uproar of children...
mine or the school's.
No riot here.
It's too fecking quiet all the time.

I need a damn job.
I'm doing good right now on that front with interviews lined up.
But there are no guarantees there.
So I decided to volunteer at a hospital where I'd like to work...
reading to children and any willing adults stuck in hospital beds.
That begins next week.
I have no doubt that it will do the trick.

This week its back to my fanatical walking and keeping my diet right.
I also got a book to read for the evening hours that I am alone,
while the man sleeps.
But any speck of daylight to be had
will be used for all its worth.

Now I'm off to play catch-up on your blogs.

Why is this bear so happy?

Because he didn't sit on his ass...
he got up, got out and caught a fish!
Smart bear.


  1. whew, that's rough. a schedule like that would leave me down in the dumps too and it's a great idea to volunteer at thehospital. yay!
    good luck with interviews...

  2. my doctor suggested getting one of those lights to combat seasonal affective disorder but i decided the money would be better spent on candy and pot.

    whenever the sun comes out in the winter i put on warm clothes and bask whilst reading a good book. now that i have an ereader i won't have to take off my gloves to turn the pages. lucky me!

  3. Not actually rain, but lack of light. The shorter the day and the less light you are exposed to the more melatonin you produce - that's the sleep hormone and it also makes you feel less energetic and depresses mood. (Blah, if you will.) Those lights apparently do work, but catching as much sunshine as you can, as Billy suggests, also helps.

  4. Pamela- Thanks! I can use the luck. I think that when I do things for other people it helps me to feel productive and happy, not to mention it is a reminder that other people have troubles too.

  5. billy pilgrim- Once upon a time when I worked in the market, one of the owners had the same issue and replaced all the lights in the store with those. Expensive, but she swore by them. Because I am a type 2 diabetic... and there is a direct relationship between blood sugar and mood, I can't do very many sweets or it actually gives me the blues.
    I envy your ereader! Maybe the birthday bunny will bring me one this year. As for sunlight... I can never get too much as long as its not too hot.

  6. secret agent woman- That makes sense. We do have a lot of overcast days that don't rain too. I sat outside most of the day. It does indeed make me feel oh so much better. =:]

  7. i was going to suggest volunteering but you beat me to it. good on ya!