Wednesday, September 28, 2011


Watch out Elmer Fudd!
Silly's got a gun.
Never in my wildest imagination would I have ever considered buying a gun.
That was before I met the man and got hooked on shooting.
Never in my wildest imagination would I have seen myself out in the woods hunting.
That also was before I met the man, who hunts.
Here are some facts to consider.
1) I have a thing about being in the great outdoors alone...
a panic attack inducing sort of thing.
2) I'm 56 years old for goodness sakes!  What an odd time of life to take up such a thing.
3) Its one thing to shot vicious cans, bottles and targets...
quite another to blow Bambi's dad away.
Yet there I was yesterday in Cabela's buying a rifle for myself.
I don't have the words to tell you how odd that felt...
taking the rifle in my arms and trying to point it not in the direction of any of the staff and shoppers crowding to get what they needed for hunting season's opening day this Saturday.
I couldn't help but wonder what other people thought of old grandma over there
checking out the rifles.

I swear I heard snickers...
Hey! I do have a gun you know!
Tone down the giggles...
I might be a silly old rabbit... but a lot of you Fudds have been blowing my kindred away.
(Actually, I got a case of the giggles myself.)

And it was so very weird to be finger printed and filling out forms for the State Police
background check... that had nothing what so ever to do with working with children.
Or waiting for them to approve me.

Weirder and weirder...
to be walked outside with my rifle.

Holy crap!
Fortunately the nice man suggested that I get a "youth rifle".
Don't let that fool you... it will still bring down a good sized buck.
It's just that the silly rabbit here is short
and not exactly a circus strong man.

Then I was home with it... out of the box...
where I could aim at things in my back yard and play around.
No worries, I have not loaded it yet.
I showed it off to my neighbor, a nice lady who hunts
and she made nice appropriate noises.
I showed it to Todd, who hunts,
when he came over to work in our shop.

Then there we were... Todd, the man and I...
bent over a map of where we will be hunting...
making our battle plan.
It felt scary and dreamy at the same time.

I made noise about my phobia about being in the woods alone.
We all take a separate area for safety reasons.
There are quick elevation changes that help keep us out of the line of fire.
Todd assured me that he would be close enough to hear me scream...
and they would all be there if I needed help.
I will have a radio.
I will also have a special something in my pocket that does not have a trigger to catch on my clothing if I need to pull it out.
I fear bears and cougars.
I have never faced a cougar, but I have faced a hungry bear.
I was impressed that I did not pee my pants, but don't want to repeat that.
Mostly, I fear being alone in the middle of no where.

I am excited, nervous and a bit scared.
Mostly excited.
Today we go to have my sight aligned correctly.
I've never done this before.
I will get to shoot my rifle for the first time.
Those are not words I ever imagined writing.


  1. Now shout:

    This is my rifle. There are many like it but this one is mine!...

    Hope you enjoy your trip and bring home something tasty for the freezer. Two words, my friend: venison sausages. Heavens, they're tasty. If god didn't want us to eat animals, why did he make them out of meat?

    Effing blogger is misbehaving again. It hosed me on my PC, tried again from the Macasaurus, and here I am. Btw, I laughed out loud at Stabby Joe. Yeah, I know him too. That's almost as good as Euglena.

  2. thimscool- Welcome down the rabbit hole! Good to see you here. From billy pilgrim's I assume.

    Its funny how quickly I took to shooting and how much I enjoy it. I'm very excited about my first effort at hunting. =:]

  3. Cricket- I'm sure you didn't mean for me to literally shout that, but I did and I heard my neighbor laughing.

    I'm am researching venison recipes! I've cooked both venison and elk before... but not enough to really know how to do them justice. I'll have to see if I can find one for sausage. Mmmmm... Not only did god make them out of meat, he told us to eat them.

    As for Stabby Joe and his relatives... they truly are everywhere. When I was a kid I saw a great many Wino Willies too, but they are another story.

  4. p.s. - I don't know if this is an accurate translation, but I think, loosely, your cartoon says Ho ho! No way is the rabbit putting down the gun!

    Best I could come up with.

  5. Cricket- Thank you! I wondered what it said. Funny since the man asked me if he needed to sleep on the sofa the night I got it... so that I could sleep with my gun. It was kind of hard to lock it up in the gun safe. Hee hee.

  6. Cricket- Again that funny thing that seems to happen where you were here leaving a comment and I was over at yours leaving a comment. I must say Sir, you should be writing a book. That was an amazing piece.

  7. I never would have expected it. But good for you. You will indeed eat what you kill, right?

  8. your karma just went down the crapper.

    so it goes.

  9. Pamela- It was a big surprise to me too! Yes, we intend to eat what we get... if we get anything.

  10. I understand hunting for sport, especially when you eat what you kill. I mean, I am not a vegetarian. But I can't imagine ever actually hunting.

  11. Congrats on your new rifle. Are you one of those people who name their inanimate objects?

    Between us, Mr. Cube and I have many rifles and many handguns but have never hunted. I don't particularly care for venison myself (although I haven't tried Cricket's sausage recipe) but have nothing against turkey and wild boar.

    As far as the woods go, I'm a city girl and not used to being out in the woods especially the Florida forests that are crawling with spiders and insects. Bugs are my bugaboo.

    You won't be alone. You will be with experienced hunters and that's the best you can ask for when out in the woods for the first time.