Monday, June 11, 2012


(Picture courtesy of )

Up I hopped this morning bright and bushy tailed...
fangs flogged and flossed...
and off I scrambled to the new dentist.
Because I am so good at getting lost, I went early.
Which of course meant that I found my way there far more quickly than I imagined I would and ended up sitting in the parking lot.
Better early than late.

There is not much of a tale here.
Fairly standard stuff...
writer's cramp from the paper work and "dental history".
Then I was escorted to my dental chair...
where I was asked a few questions...
then escorted to the x ray room...
where a strange machine circled my head and shot
death rays into my face.
On to another x ray room where individual
teeth were zapped.

One thing about x rays and machines that I do enjoy are the lead aprons.
There is something very comforting about the weight of that
apron pressing against me...
that has nothing at all to do with protection from death rays.
Kind of like being tucked in as a kid.

Back in my dental chair a very nice and funny...
which was good because my mouth was occupied
with strange instruments that only allow minor laughing,
but no actual communication...
lady began to clean my teeth.
They were picked, scraped and strip mined with pressured water.
Then polished and painted with some foul tasting fluoride goop.
She was very nice about it all and said that my teeth were very clean.

Then she began to call out things to an assistant.
Strange words and numbers that meant nothing at all to me
but sounded like it might be bad.
I was scoring threes and fours...
tooth by tooth.
If I was taking a spelling test, then it was very sad news.
When she announced that we were all done,
I hopped to my feet...
and was gently pushed back into my chair.

She was not the dentist.
Silly me!
They dropped my head below my feet.
It is an odd position to be in when one is introduced to
an upside down dentist.
Or at least he looked that way from my vantage point.
He read my test scores and decided that I was doing ok.
I would need two fillings.
(I knew this because two had fallen out.)

He promised to fix the tooth I chipped a long time ago...
while escaping three white malamutes who wanted to chew on me.
A four foot something girl does not easily jump
a six foot  brick fence... even in Red Ball Jets.
Its not much of a chip, 
and no other dentist has ever offered to fix it.
But we were making a dental "treatment plan"
and it looks better if there is a lot of stuff to fix in that box.

He seemed very intent on causing me pain.
He didn't cause any.
Not the ice water torture or the cold air torture worked.
None of my nerves are exposed!
Take that Marathon Man Dentist!

Then he let the air out of my chair
and my head floated back up to where it belongs.
He shook my hand and left.
I don't think I ever saw what was under his mask.
Oh well.

They gave me goodies from the treasure chest because I had been good.
I got a new toothbrush with my dentistal group's name on it
(No doubt to give those looky-loos who peek into my medicine cabinet 
a quicky advertizement.)
and some minty floss.
I never grew out of that little treasure chest thrill.
But I do miss the days of gum or candy being in there.
Kind of like people who give out sugar free gum at Halloween.
Its nice for certain, but darn... I miss the chocolate.

I got home and gritted my teeth at the man.
He gave me his best "you have bumped your head again" look.

"My teeth are squeaky clean!
See?  Its safe to kiss me!"

He laughed.
"Silly rabbit!"
Then he did.




  1. I LOVE the way you write!!
    This brought back memories of being right in that chair...(I, too, love the weight of the leaded protection vest worn during x-rays. What's with that!? :)) )
    Good visit you had.
    Again...I love the way you write!!

  2. Jackie- Thank you! You are very generous. You know its funny, there's sort of a club of us lead apron lovers out there. I meet them from time to time. =;] By the way... I should have done this before... Welcome down in the hole! Its always wonderful to make new friends.

  3. ya know, i like the lead apron too. makes me feel like i could curl up and go to sleep.

  4. I have a lot of anxiety about dental work, but you make it sound almost fun :)

  5. I've never had a cavity but I still hate going to the dentist...doesn't matter how careful I am about making sure I take care of them...still get paranoid something will go wrong.

  6. It kills me when we go to the dentist and the hygienist does most of the work. I have been lucky so far to not have cavities, but last time they fitted me for a mouth guard because I was clenching my teeth at night. That made me gag.

    It's a great feeling when the appointment is overwith and you have some nice, thoroughly clean teeth!

  7. lime- It does!

    laura b.- I have a great deal of sympathy for those who find the dentist an anxious experience. Poor X used to have to be sedated to THINK about going to the dentist and when the event came it took two adults to get him into the car and keep him in it on the way there as well as keep him from getting out of the waiting room. He would turn grey and shake until the gas took affect, but even then, he was stuck to the chair like a cartoon cat gets stuck to the ceiling.

    silverthoughts2- Oh you are so lucky never to have had a cavity! My mother was like that. Not even one cavity in her whole life. Keep doing what you are doing! I think that is so fantastic!

    Tara- Another lucky no cavity person! I don't know how you do it. I've never had to do that mouth guard thing, but I was gooped for a cap. It is very nasty isn't it? I too feel great when the cleaning is over and my teeth are so smooth and clean.

  8. I have that same comforted feeling when they put the lead apron on me! Sounds like a reasonable dentist visit - not an appointment I ever much enjoy.

  9. ouch! everytime i go to dentist i vow to quit eating candy after getting the bad news.

    did he add insult to injury by making you pay?

  10. Secret Agent Woman- My next appointment will be less happy. Next Wed. I get to have a tooth filled. We will see how well they do with the pain issue.

    You know, I seriously think its built into us to be calmed by being restrained in some ways. Babies like to have something on their heads to mimic the way their heads were in the womb, likewise to be swaddled.

    billy pilgrim- The best part of the visit was the whopping $15 it cost me! I don't get to eat candy much anymore. Diabetic candy just does not cut the mustard. I save my candy eating allowance for dark chocolate, that they say is good for me in small doses. And that I let melt in my mouth... no chewing. I don't want to rush the pleasure.