(Picture courtesy of http://www.museumoftheweird.com )
Up I hopped this morning bright and bushy tailed...
fangs flogged and flossed...
and off I scrambled to the new dentist.
Because I am so good at getting lost, I went early.
Which of course meant that I found my way there far more quickly than I imagined I would and ended up sitting in the parking lot.
Better early than late.
There is not much of a tale here.
Fairly standard stuff...
writer's cramp from the paper work and "dental history".
Then I was escorted to my dental chair...
where I was asked a few questions...
then escorted to the x ray room...
where a strange machine circled my head and shot
death rays into my face.
On to another x ray room where individual
teeth were zapped.
One thing about x rays and machines that I do enjoy are the lead aprons.
There is something very comforting about the weight of that
apron pressing against me...
that has nothing at all to do with protection from death rays.
Kind of like being tucked in as a kid.
Back in my dental chair a very nice and funny...
which was good because my mouth was occupied
with strange instruments that only allow minor laughing,
but no actual communication...
lady began to clean my teeth.
They were picked, scraped and strip mined with pressured water.
Then polished and painted with some foul tasting fluoride goop.
She was very nice about it all and said that my teeth were very clean.
Then she began to call out things to an assistant.
Strange words and numbers that meant nothing at all to me
but sounded like it might be bad.
I was scoring threes and fours...
tooth by tooth.
If I was taking a spelling test, then it was very sad news.
When she announced that we were all done,
I hopped to my feet...
and was gently pushed back into my chair.
She was not the dentist.
They dropped my head below my feet.
It is an odd position to be in when one is introduced to
an upside down dentist.
Or at least he looked that way from my vantage point.
He read my test scores and decided that I was doing ok.
I would need two fillings.
(I knew this because two had fallen out.)
He promised to fix the tooth I chipped a long time ago...
while escaping three white malamutes who wanted to chew on me.
A four foot something girl does not easily jump
a six foot brick fence... even in Red Ball Jets.
Its not much of a chip,
and no other dentist has ever offered to fix it.
But we were making a dental "treatment plan"
and it looks better if there is a lot of stuff to fix in that box.
He seemed very intent on causing me pain.
He didn't cause any.
Not the ice water torture or the cold air torture worked.
None of my nerves are exposed!
Take that Marathon Man Dentist!
Then he let the air out of my chair
and my head floated back up to where it belongs.
He shook my hand and left.
I don't think I ever saw what was under his mask.
They gave me goodies from the treasure chest because I had been good.
I got a new toothbrush with my dentistal group's name on it
(No doubt to give those looky-loos who peek into my medicine cabinet
a quicky advertizement.)
and some minty floss.
I never grew out of that little treasure chest thrill.
But I do miss the days of gum or candy being in there.
Kind of like people who give out sugar free gum at Halloween.
Its nice for certain, but darn... I miss the chocolate.
I got home and gritted my teeth at the man.
He gave me his best "you have bumped your head again" look.
"My teeth are squeaky clean!
See? Its safe to kiss me!"
Then he did.