Tuesday, May 8, 2012


Yes, those are ants... and I hate ants!
While they might look like clever trained ants,
they are all gathered around a drop of Terro...
ant poison.

R.I.P. you little buggers!

I have been on hiatus.
I had a hormone imbalance that made me feel 
fairly sure that the men in little white coats
were on their way to collect me.
Thankfully it is fixed now and I am once more
the relatively happily crazy yet not ready to

Lots of things have happened.
We had another new grand daughter...Z.
She is like all new babies,
sweet and constantly sleeping and eating.
I love the way she smells.

Things are rocky in the family right now.
The man and his kids are at odds.
I am trying to stay out of it.
But I do not like to see the man upset.
It makes me want to be involved and let some
choice words fly.

But today it is beautiful and I have
moved my lap top onto the patio again.
I began my day with a wonderful steaming cup of coffee...
out here...
letting the fresh breeze make my frizzy hair flit around.
Watching Roxy run around like a nut with her stuffed duck.
Soaking up the sunshine that feels so very good.
I don't think there is anything more relaxing,
or more soothing to my nerves.
(except for the ocean)

I decided to take all my little thoughts
and curse words and write them on paper.
when darkness falls
and I have lost the support of the sun...
I'll put my scraps of anger into the fire...
and let the ashes float away.
Hopefully they will take the anger with them.



  1. I'm sorry that the man and his kids are at odds with each other. I hope it gets resolved soon! My family; mainly one of my brothers and my mom, are almost always mad at each other, and I get drawn into the middle of it. I get so tired of it all. I wish they'd shout it out in a room and then forgive each other.

    It does help to write out your feelings, and I have heard that it's therapeutic to throw the paper into the fire after venting.

  2. Oh, the hormone madness. I feel for you and am glad you're feeling more balanced now.
    Congratulations on your new grandbaby! Maybe having a new family member will soften the feelings the man and his kids are going through. I know it is hard, but I think you are doing the right thing by trying to let them work it out on their own.
    You know, I have a few feelings I really need to set fire to as well. May just have to give that a try.

  3. Tara- I do not like being sucked into the middle either. It is exhausting emotionally.

    I am a big believer in venting on paper. I can rant and shout as loudly as I want on paper and no one can hear me. Its good to get the wicked out so that you can free up the forgiving part of your brain.

    laura b.- Oh the madness! It was crazy weird. Being balanced is a wonderful thing... or at least only slightly unbalanced, not full tilt. =;]
    I think it really does help to physically burn them up as a visual aid to letting them go. And you can roast marshmallows too!

  4. i don't ever remember being mad at my kids for more than an hour.

    it's my policy that whenever there's a petty spat it's up to the older person to smooth things over and at the cracker factory it's up to the person higher up on the org chart to smooth things over. of course smoking a reefer and watching a little deadwood will solve everything.

  5. billy pilgrim- Oh I recall being good and mad a few times at my kids. But like you, I got over it fairly quickly. I had a friend from Scotland that got into a tiff with her mom and sister. That was 30 years or so ago. Last I hear they were still not talking.

    I agree. It is for the older folk to set example. It never hurts to find compromise. I think once they simmer down that it will be okay. A few days should do it.

    I have no bud and no Deadwood. Sniffle! But I do have Carnivale and I've been happily following Ben down his path to Brother Justin. Its about to get really good... which means it's about to suddenly end and tick me off at HBO again. =:[~ So it goes.

  6. Ants... I hate the little devils too. Remember when they invaded my old coffeemaker. I thought I was having a waking dream when I saw its edges moving. Ugh!

    I can empathize about the hormonal imbalance. I'm of the age, girl. The worst part is how so many people treat it as not a big deal when it is a mighty big deal when you're the one with the annoying symptoms.

    I've been plenty mad at my kids, but I can't see it lasting for an extended period. Life is too short for that.

  7. Cube- I remember that story about the coffee pot and I shudder!

    It really was the pits. My brain and I sometimes don't agree but generally we work together. We weren't working together. Yikes! It is serious and scary.

    I agree. I'm hoping all parties stop and think about it and decide that family is the most important thing. I think they will. I probably should not talk...I have the Medusa and I do not like to talk to her at all. I do if I must, but I cringe when I do. That is sad on my part too. I don't even want her to know where I live.

  8. Glad to hear you are feeling better and more balanced. Sorry to hear about the family problems. I can relate as I sometimes wonder if my brother had his head surgically planted up his butt by the way he treats me. Hope the bonfire went well too. Take care.

  9. Well, I'm gladyou found balance. Sometime's it's hard to get back on balance by yourself,but glad you did. Chaos in life doesn't help much... but drink that coffee and enjoyu the puppy dog!

  10. and good for you for killing the f***kers!

  11. I use a similar ritual for letting go. Letters I've written or received, a series of "frowny faces" my son got in kindergarten for some high-spirited silliness in class, that sort of thing. Watching the words turn to ash is therapeutic.

  12. Mr. Shife- Lol. Family is a strange creature. I am feeling much better and balanced. The fire was amazing. I have long enjoyed watching the flames. Interacting with it is even better. =:]

    NoRegrets- I do hate the little f**kers! I was very confused about it when it began. I feel sooooo much better now. That dog is my constant shadow and anytime I need someone close she is at the end of my fingers already.

    Secret Agent Woman- Oh no to frowny faces! Poor little guy. My oldest spent most of his recesses "on the wall" for silly behavior. I wish I had known about the ashing thing back then. One of my favorite lines from a movie was said by John Candy when his movie niece is in the principal's office and the principal complains that the child is unconcerned with her future and is a "silly heart". John Candy says "I hope I never meet a kindergartener who isn't a silly heart!" and continues to verbally put the awful woman in her place.

  13. congrats on the new gradnchild. how exciting and lovely. sorry you were suffering hormonally and that things are not so rosy in the man's family. i do know how hard it can be to hold one;'s tongue. i think you have found a good outlet for your frustration.