I’ve forgotten how to live alone. What did I do before? 

 

This old beggar keeps me company. She’s silver faced these days. Her bark sounds like a frog burp. She walks slower, sleeps more but remains a great comfort, even when she waits for me to give her chicken bits from my chicken lo mein.  She’s sure it’s really her food but allows me to share. She gets doggie edibles CBD for her joints.  She can be stubborn when it’s time to come in from walks. Old but strong enough for tug of war. She’s my bestie . I do have human friends too. 

Remember Miss Bliss?

Life is either full blast and exhausting or so slow it’s boring. This cabin has crap internet that goes in and out. So I got myself a phone with a mobile hot spot. It’s reliable but I have to be careful of my usage or it slows way down. That frustrates me. I have never been a patient person. Probably because I have been spoiled most of my life.  Not recommended. When my first husband, the father of our 4 children was snatched out of our lives, we were dirt poor. I agonized over not being able to spoil them as much as I wanted to.  However, I believe that was a good thing now. Every single one of them are kind, compassionate and so giving. 

Me now

There’s such a thing as good solitary time. They want so much to help me and to lift my spirits. It can be overwhelming. Especially grand children. They give me joy, but their energy is exhausting. There are also many people who see me checking my house and mail who come to say nice things. I don’t mind that. They have good hearts. But I gotta tell you the lookie Lews make me crazy and mad. They want to know all the gory details, see the wreck of my house. I want to punch them in the noses. But I stand my ground and tell them that I’m not ready for that. These are people who didn’t know either of us. 

Tomorrow I will have a fast and crazy day. My son, Boo picks up my mail. He says that I have packages  to pick up. I’ll get those,. It’s a 45 minute drive each way up and back to Dumb Potters Hell. My house is at the east end of the gorge. The terrain turns from old growth Forrest to high plains dessert. It’s a twisty climb. The return is twisty down hill. Think bobsled race with cars.

Wild turkeys live here

 I have to call my MIL for the insurance claim number. He the guy in claims won’t accept my rent receipts without the number. He won’t even answer text messages. Ugh. I will get my money. He’s over $2,000 behind. I cannot afford to keep paying rent out of my savings. As is, the amount of my replacement of my things and furniture is only $2,500. Couch, chairs, mattresses, etc. I clearly will not have enough to replace them with new. Shoot, a used sofa is not cheap if it’s in good condition. MIL wants me to use her old lady sofa. 

DumbPotters Hell

I also have to battle with Randy’s SSI, to get widows benefits. They love long waits on the phone. They not see people in person. But I need them to fix this. I’ve already had his last check. My $600 isn’t going to cover my obligations. I am not allowed to report his death to them. The mortuary has to do it. Ugh. I guess there’s a lot of fraud claims when people die. 

Our mountain

That will be enough frustration for one day. I’ll be so relieved when all the red tape and bullshit hoops are jumped. Well, enough crabbing. Loves

=:/

Good night