A great picture that has nothing to do with my post!
She told me that I was too nice.
That me "being nice" all the time was dishonest.
No one knows what I really think about anything.
No one respects nice.
(Nice = me.)
I looked at her for a moment and considered the words.
"Why do you think that someone can't give their honest opinion and still be kind about it?"
"That's just stupid. Get mad. Everyone gets mad."
She proved that point when...
She shook her head, rolled her eyes and grabbed her purse to abandon the conversation unfinished.
She does that when she feels frustrated.
She decides when the conversation is over, which generally precludes a response that she does not want to hear.
After she left, I thought more about what she said.
Yes, I certainly do get mad.
I really do have opinions.
I have my peeves like anyone else...
selfishness, pettiness, bullies/bitches and the mean things that people do that are needlessly unkind or outright cruel.
She is afflicted by the attitude that everything in life is about her, personally...
yet nothing is ever her fault or responsibility.
The belief that just because she wants something,
that she should have that thing without earning it.
That she has the right to say whatever pops out of her mouth without care for anyone's feelings...
"I'm just being honest." or "I'm just keeping it real."
She is very proudly "not nice".
Not being nice is a luxury for the immature or the old, frightened and angry.
That is my opinion.
I speak this having gotten over myself by my 40s.
The truth is that I do not like drama.
I make choices with care.
I stand my ground when I feel strongly.
But I also try to be as tactful as possible.
If you hurt or frighten someone, you get nowhere.
Pretty basic life skills.
I guess some of it is that I have changed my opinion on what exactly is important in the world.
Things are not the motor behind my drive for life... though I sure do enjoy having nice things when I can.
It does not end my world when I can't have that new smart phone.
I can make do with my stupid phone.
What is important?
Being with people I love and treasure, reasonable good health, laughter, sharing, giving and receiving affection, good conversation, enjoying simple pleasures like reading and creating, seeing the things in my yard bloom... and the zen of fishing with my feet in the pond.
I'm past all that stuff that get people of that maturity level into a panty twist.
I don't care who thinks I am hot or beautiful...
only one person's opinion on that issue matters and he likes me fine.
I am not compelled to out-dress my friends or own the biggest and best house, car, etc. comparatively.
I know for a fact that when I die, I won't miss any of my things, so who the hell cares who gets what?
I am content in my life.
It makes me happy.
Happy makes me feel like being nice.
Even if it pisses her off.
who ever SHE is aren't you glad you don't have to be HER? i like you the way you are too and i think you have chosen the wiser path.
ReplyDeleteAmen, Sister girl!
ReplyDeleteHugs,
Jackie
You are happy, you are content, and if someone can't accept then they are not worth it. You have to be true to yourself otherwise you are going to be unhappy in the long run. Plus I like you just fine they way you are.
ReplyDeleteLove this post. I am with you all the way. Mean people, maybe even particularly those who are mean under the guise of "keeping it real", are small minded and have limited internal resources.
ReplyDeleteIsn't it a great relief to be at a point in life where you don't have to worry so much about what others think of you?
it would seem that tortoises make way better parents than water based turtles that just dig a hole, drop their payload and wave goodbye to their future offspring.
ReplyDeletetell miss cranky that you see no benefit to lowering yourself to her level.
lime- Well thank you. I actually think that she is not a happy person at all and that is what drives her craziness.
ReplyDeleteMr. Shife- Thank you too. I am happy. I do not intend to allow anyone to make my days darker. Life is too short for that.
laura b.- You are so correct. She does have limited resources to handle let downs in life. And I am very glad that I have out grown that and moved into enjoying what I can, getting beyond what I can't.
billy pilgrim- I just loved this pic of the tortoises. I've never seen a herd of young before this. They live so long, I guess they have time to have the kiddos hang with them.
Miss cranky is going to have to solve her own troubles. No one else can do that for her. She needs to locate her happy place. It would be nice if she stayed out of mine.
Great post, and I can definitely relate. A woman at work says I'm too nice. She, on the other hand, is like that girl you spoke of who claims to "tell it like it is". She can therefore be abrasive and difficult to approach.
ReplyDeleteI like the way I handle things, because then people feel more comfortable. Someone once told me that she prefers to deal with me because I'm more approachable, and that made my day.
I don't like conflict either and will only do so when I know what I want to say and how to say it. I resent it when people put me in the position to confront.
I laughed out loud at "stupid phone." Really. Thanks. Trying so hard to get back into the swing of reading, writing, commenting. I miss it. Trouble is I'm a total morning person, especially for all of those things, and my mornings are gone. Well... I can read and or comment at night anyway.
ReplyDeleteI have a stupid phone too. Heh, heh.
p.s. - Speaking of writing... I hate the new format. I hate it very much. Even doing that simple repost threw me a bit. When did this happen? Grrr.
ReplyDeleteTara- Thank you. I'm not an aggressive person. I have had dealings with folks like your coworker. They don't make work life very pleasant. I see no reason why we cannot all happily get along. I understand the occasional grumpy day, but every day should not be grump day and every suggestion should not be an end of the world issue.
ReplyDeleteCricket- Yay! I have missed you, but I know your world has altered and time is no longer a daily luxury. I do understand the morning person thing. I like to do this in the morning too with my mug of coffee and my brain functional. =;]
I like the "stupid phone" phrase too.
I don't like this shiny new "upgrade" format all. I want my "old grade" format back. It was just there one day. I had been gone a bit and when I came back, there it was. Grumble.
So, so many posts to write on and no time. Good to catch up and read (quickly). Hopefully will write more later!
ReplyDeleteYour "friend" needs to learn that you can say what you mean, but you don't have to say it mean. She sounds like a woman who has lived a long time, but hasn't picked up much in the way of wisdom.
ReplyDeleteI think your philosophy is a good one, grasshopper.
NoRegrets- I know, when I take time away from blogging, I get behind and there is so much to catch up on! No worries.
ReplyDeleteCube- Thank you Sensei Cube. =;] She is depressed I think and perhaps that comes he out in anger or frustration. But she will not go seek help.